Transitioning to Adulthood

Every parent/child relationships is different. Here are some ways we contemplate this life transition.

Intellectual Maturity

The human brain isn't fully developed until about 25 years old. Plus a person needs life experiences to make wise decisions. Each person matures differently, and intellectual diversity gives us tools to gauge our child's maturity into adulthood.

Adulting

American society labels you an adult at 18, and you are responsible for what happens next. A smooth transition into adulthood starts with meeting your personal needs such as shelter, food, and transportation. Then you layer on professional pursuits that balances your budget, fulfills you, and contributes towards society. But the most important step is establishing a personal relationship that makes you feel safe, connected, and loved.

Everyone experiences setbacks as they step into adulthood. We learn from these and course correct. When it gets to be a lot, it feels really good to have parents to lean on, especially when they are safe and loving. Your parents have lived their own lives and made their own mistakes, and out of that hopefully has come some wisdom.

Taking the Reins

This happens slowly over time. The young adult increasingly takes on more responsibility and proves they can handle it. One of the hardest aspects for the young adult is navigating their parents' anxiety...around letting go of the wheel...and around the young adult's life choices.

To protect this bond, it is valuable for the young adult to see their intellectual diversity in context of their parents. Seeing the intellectual diversity will bring understanding, and that understanding will build trust and safety over time. Yes, the young adult is in charge, but the parent still cares and wants to be there for their adult children.

Trusted Advisor

This is a hard transition for parents. You have spent so many years making decisions for your child. You are deeply invested in them. When this transition is done poorly, the parents feel cut out of the life they were heavily invested into. Both sides feel the broken relationship. But it doesn't have to be this way.

Intellectual diversity shows you more of the WHY behind their decisions, and this gives you new ways to work together as they take the reins. As any parent will tell you, my child is ALWAYS my child!

Safe Attachment Bonds

There are two special relationships that require the utmost emotional safety: spousal & parent/child. We believe children are programmed to grow up within a primary attachment bond, and then break it as they enter adulthood and replace it with a bond to another adult.

Breaking the primary bond between parent and child is emotionally difficult. However, it doesn't mean the relationship ends. Everyone is still invested, but those investments look different. Intellectual diversity helps both of you find peace in each life transition.

Gradually Growing Up

Parents and children need to be careful not to put too much pressure on the young adult to grow up. This happens naturally over time.

It starts with an initial phase between 16-22 for most young people. This is a period of forming new social circles. Many will choose to move out, and most will work at least part-time to pay the bills.

Young adults eventually mature into a full-blown independent state between 22-26. They are working full time, paying all their bills, and living their lives.

Young adults feel the desire for relationship and start dating. Almost everyone experiences heartbreak before they find a lifelong committed relationship and will make an attempt at "until death do us part". Most adults have matured enough by 26-30 to take on this new level of adulting. In our society, raising your own family is a sign that you've fully arrived onto the adult scene.